The Power of Tiffination
by Captain Papaya Man
Summary: A muggle shows up enexpectedly at Hogwarts.
1. Prologue

Prologue  
  
She hated math. She'd always had a really hard time with it, and tonight was no exception. She sighed softly to herself and put the textbook down, glancing around her room, trying to figure out what time it was.  
  
"One thirty. Great." Azia stumbled over to her bed, turning the lights off as she went.  
  
It was three in the morning. Azia was still tossing and turning, counting her three thousand ninth sheep. She slowly got out of bed and made her way over to the light switch.  
  
"Oh, crap." Azia tripped over a book. She finally got to the light switch, and looked at what book it was, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the bright light.  
  
"Harry Potter? Which one is-oh. Prisoner of Azkaban." She looked at the clock. Four minutes after three. "Oh, why the heck not?"  
  
She grabbed her flashlight and flicked the lights off again, this time using the flashlight to make sure she didn't trip over any misplaced books (she assumed that it would 'hurt like the dickens' if she stubbed her toe on the math book). She carefully crawled into her bed, and reclined against her pillow. She propped the book up and started to read, using the tiny beam of light coming from the tip of her flashlight. It's kind of like magic. She thought thickly to herself. She began to read. She was just getting to when Harry saw a Dementor for the first time when sleep overcame her; she turned the flashlight off, and got under her covers. She fell asleep, still clutching the book in her hands. 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
  
Azia got out of bed groggily as she dropped the book. She'd forgotten she had it. She looked out the window. She had very obviously missed the bus by-  
  
"Oh. holy...crap.." Azia looked around the room about seven times, and she still couldn't believe it. The window she had looked through wasn't her window. Nor was it any window she had seen before in her life. Suddenly, there was a creak. The doorknob was turning!  
  
"Oh man... dangit! What to do, what to do.." As the door began to open, she did the only thing she could think of. She threw herself to the ground, pretending to be unconscious.  
  
A boy walked in the room. Azia, of course, didn't know this. She had her eyes closed. And even if her eyes were open, she wouldn't have dared look around. The boy, however, DID have his eyes open. And he saw the strange girl lying in the middle of the his room.  
  
He had never seen her before, and he didn't particularly want to poke her to wake her up. It was too risky; he knew what girls are like in the morning. Instead, he took out a long stick and pointed it at her, hoping with all his heart that his idea would work.  
  
"Ennervate." Azia couldn't believe it. It was completely illogical. But she might as well play along, right?  
  
"Uhhhhhh." she groaned, feeling rather stupid. She looked up at the boy. Her jaw dropped about 3 feet into the ground. "Harry?!?!?! Harry Potter?!?"  
  
"Yeah?" Harry said. "How do you know my name?"  
  
"Well, you're.. er, Harry Potter," she had a sudden inspiration. "The-Boy- Who-Lived. Right?"  
  
Harry's face relaxed. A bit. "Yeah, I am. But, why are you in my dormitory? You're (one) not a boy," Harry figured she already knew that, though. "and (two), you're not a Gryffindor. What were you doing?"  
  
"I'm not exactly sure. I fell asleep in my room and woke up here. What year are you in?"  
  
" Third. What house are you in? You're not wearing your uniform." Harry was being very cautious. She might be a Slytherin..  
  
"Er.. I'm not exactly in a house."  
  
Harry, the poor dear, was completely bamboozled. "But then, why are you at Hogwarts? Did the Sorting Hat not assign you a house? I mean.if you're a student.."  
  
"Oh, I'm not a student. Listen Harry," Azia started. This is gonna freak him out so bad. "I need to borrow your Invisibility Cloak. I have to talk to Professor Dumbledore."  
  
Azia was right. "But.how did you know..I never told anyone.. Who ARE you?!?"  
  
"Look Harry, I'm really sorry about this, but you'll just have to trust me."  
  
Harry got his wand out and pointed it at her. "I'm warning you, I know the killing spell!"  
  
"No you don't, you manky git!" It looked as if Harry wasn't going to trust her. She sighed, and suddenly threw herself on the ground and swung her leg around, tripping Harry. As he fell, she grabbed his wand and got up, pointing it at him. Ohh, now I've done it. "Sorry about that. Where's the cloak?"  
  
"At the b-bottom o-of my. my trunk."  
  
"Thank you. Will you walk me to Professor Dumbledore's office?"  
  
"Er, ok." Harry got up hesitantly as Azia got the cloak out, making sure to pick up the book before Harry noticed it. She threw it over herself and Harry as they walked out of the dormitory.  
  
They finally reached the statue of the Gargoyle that marked the entrance to the headmaster's office when Azia realized that the third book never said what the password was. "Umm, Harry, do you know the password?"  
  
"It was 'lemon drop' last year, but I don't think that'll work."  
  
"Uh, Whatchamacallit? Twix? Nutter Butter?"  
  
Harry looked at her.  
  
"Cauldron cake? Sherbet Lemon? Cockroach Cluster?"  
  
Nothing. "Ugh! Come! On! You! Stinking! Statue!" Azia said, being sure to kick the statue between every word.  
  
Harry, who was thinking on his toes (for once) seized the opportunity and grabbed his wand, pointing it right at Azia.  
  
"Tell me who you are, right now, or I'll blast you into a million little bits." 


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
She was just on the verge of telling him her name when Dumbledore came round the corner, talking to a Professor that Azia couldn't place. Dumbledore looked directly at Harry and Azia, and it occurred to her (at the same time it occurred to Harry) that Dumbledore could see through the Invisibility Cloak. Azia turned and looked at Harry, who was watching Dumbledore intently.  
  
"Good bye, Professor Vector." Dumbledore said as the professor walked away. He turned to the statue. "M&M." The gargoyle sprang to life, jumping aside to allow Dumbledore, Harry, and Azia in. "Hello, Harry. Who is this young lady with you?"  
  
"Don't ask me." Harry said sheepishly. "She never told me."  
  
Dumbledore looked puzzled as he walked into his office. Harry threw the cloak off.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore, I need to talk to you."  
  
"Alright. Harry, if you please." Dumbledore nodded towards the door. "I'll come get you when we are done." Harry looked hurt as he left the room, closing the door as he went.  
  
"Professor, I'm Azia Connolly. I'm a muggle from the U.S."  
  
"Continue." Said Dumbledore, in deep thought.  
  
Azia explained about how she woke up in Harry's room. "And then I- well, I threatened him, but anyway I figured I should talk to you. Can you explain any of this to me?"  
  
There was an awkward moment of silence. "Well, first, I'd like to know how you know so much about Hogwarts and such if you're a muggle- particularly a foreign muggle."  
  
Azia had conveniently left out the fact that all of this was explained in a series of books. She figured he'd find out sometime, anyways.  
  
"Just, well, take a look at this." She handed her battered copy of Harry Potter to him. "It's a popular book where I live.  
  
Dumbledore looked at the book, his eyes widening. "I seem to be at a loss for words." He finally said, handing the book back to her after only reading several pages. "That does explain why you would know about Hogwarts, though. Am I correct in saying that you are not clear on how you got here?"  
  
"I have no idea. That's why I came; I thought you would be able to help me. Do you know how I got here? And how to get back?" she added desperately.  
  
"I don't have any answers for you. I will find out, as soon as possible. For the time being, it looks as if your only option is to stay at Hogwarts. I will explain your sudden to appearance to the staff, so you can feel free to join Mr. Potter in his classes. I hope you don't mind." He got that twinkle in his eyes that Azia had read about so many times before.  
  
"Sweet. Um, what will I tell Harry and the other students, though?"  
  
Dumbledore paused for a moment, thinking up an alibi that would trick the students well enough. "I sent you here. The school's students need more interaction with Muggles, and with people from different parts of the globe. I mistakenly sent you to Harry's room. But, Azia, don't tell Harry about anything else you know-let him explain things to you. What you have already told him you know was what I told you before you were sent here. And please," he added, "don't make any predictions."  
  
"Thank you so much, Professor. I'll stick to that. I'll see you later."  
  
"Good-bye." 


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
Azia walked out of Dumbledore's office, this time looking around the room. Fawkes was there, and she couldn't believe she hadn't noticed him. The sorting hat was there, too, along with other odd machines that Azia didn't know about. Harry was standing there, right outside the door, trying to listen in on their conversation. Azia could tell it didn't work. He glared at her as she came out.  
  
"Sorry for that, Harry. It was all a big mistake."  
  
"Right. Who are you?"  
  
"Azia Connolly, Muggle, United States of America. Pleased to meet you."  
  
"Muggle? What is going on?"  
  
"Dumbledore thinks that you students don't get enough Muggle interaction. He told me about your world, and a bit about you and Hogwarts. Then he asked me if I'd like to come to the school, and of course I said yes. I was supposed to turn up in that living room place, but it didn't quite work and I showed up in your room instead. Sorry."  
  
Harry stood there, looking at her. He was still very confused. "But, if you're a Muggle, why'd you take my wand? It's not like you could do anything with it. No offense."  
  
"None taken. I just wanted to make sure you didn't do anything to me. Dumbledore had talked about how great you were with spells and things, and I figured I'd better not risk it."  
  
Harry was still eyeing her suspiciously. "How do I know you're not lying?"  
  
"Well, you'll just have to trust me. Or ask Dumbledore."  
  
"Oh." He glanced at his watch. "Oh, I'm late for Divination." He smiled. "Thanks."  
  
"What's Divination? Do you not like it?"  
  
"It's like telling the future. And I hate it; the teacher predicts my death every day."  
  
It was working. "Oh Harry, I'm so sorry."  
  
"She's a complete fraud! She only does it for the drama! I thought I had a lot to learn. Sorry," he continued, "but you really don't know much at all."  
  
"Yeah. Dumbledore says I can go to your classes with you. You don't mind, do you? That way you and your friends can teach me about. well, stuff, I guess."  
  
"OK." Harry started grinning. He opened the door to Dumbledore's office. "Professor, may I give Azia a basic tour of the castle? I'd hate to be in her shoes if she got lost without having at least a basic tour." Dumbledore smiled.  
  
"Of course you may, Harry. I was going to have a Professor walk her around, but I daresay she'd rather learn about it from you. You're supposed to be in Divination now, correct?" Harry nodded. "I will alert Professor Trelawney, and your next teacher, just in case." Harry's smile widened. Azia did her best to fake a look of confusion. 


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
The headmaster dismissed them. After they were out of his office and back in the hallway, Azia turned to Harry,  
  
"What other classes do you have?"  
  
"Care of Magical Creatures, Transfiguration, History of-"  
  
"Trans-a-who-sa-whatsit?" Harry laughed. Azia was very proud of herself; her plan was working-so far.  
  
"It's changing stuff into other stuff." She still looked confused. "Er, like changing a monkey into a chair. And then there's A History of Magic, but that's really boring, and Potions, which is torture, and-"  
  
"Potions? That's like, brewing potions, right? It sounds interesting."  
  
"Yeah, but Snape teaches it, and he's, well, evil."  
  
"Oh. Is that it?"  
  
"No, we also have Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Herbology, and," Harry noticed the confused look on Azia's face, "That's like magic plants and stuff. And there's astronomy, too."  
  
"Whoa. What's your favorite class? I'm guessing it's not Tiffination." Harry laughed. "What?"  
  
"It's 'Divination', not 'Tiffination.'"  
  
"Oh, sorry. And I'm also guessing that Potion isn't your favorite, either."  
  
"No way in heck. I think my favorite class is Defense Against the Dark Arts. Lupin teaches that class, and he's loads better than Lockhart."  
  
"Lockhart? Was he the teacher last year?"  
  
"Yeah, and none of us learned anything, except not to let pixies loose."  
  
They kept talking about things. Azia kept bombarding Harry with questions. Harry was proud of the fact that he 'knew so much more' than her, and she was proud because Harry was too proud of himself to realize, or even suspect that she was faking it. They were just walking past a painting of a rather fat man on the sixth floor when Harry looked at his watch and realized it would be time for dinner soon.  
  
"Oh, we'd better start heading for the Great Hall. Hermione and Ron'll be wondering where I am."  
  
"Ron and-excuse me, what was the name? I assume they're your friends."  
  
"Yeah, it's Hermione. Her-my-oh-knee."  
  
"Oh, sorry."  
  
"That's fine. But yeah, they're my best friends, and they'll be worried that I haven't shown up in any of my classes this afternoon." Harry rushed off to get to the hall, occasionally having to slow down so Azia could catch up. After all, she had threatened him earlier, and Harry didn't want to take any risks. Even though she was a Muggle, she could do that drop- kick thing. 


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
  
  
They walked into the hall with the other students. Most of them noticed her at once: she was wearing blue pajamas, instead of normal black robes. She remembered that she was in her pajamas, and she didn't like the thought of being noticed like that. Without warning, she grabbed Harry's robe (he had stuff on under it, and she was very thankful for that) and promptly draped it over herself. Harry was giving her a look as if he thought she was insane.  
  
"Harry!" Hermione yelled, obviously concerned about the whereabouts of one of her best friends. "Where were you? You missed two whole lessons, Professor McGonagall is going to have a fit!" She said, turning back into her usual self. She noticed Harry didn't have his robes on. "Harry, what happened to your -who are you?" She finally noticed Azia, and was looking very confused. Azia figured that she looked like that very rarely.  
  
"I'm Azia Connolly. I'm guessing you're- oh, how do you pronounce it? Isn't it Her-my-oh-knee?"  
  
"Er, yes, it is. How exactly do you know who I am?"  
  
"Oh, Harry was telling me about you." Ron had finished his chicken drumstick and was walking towards them. "And Ron, too."  
  
Ron was about five feet away at this point. "Who're you?"  
  
"Ron, this is Azia. She a Muggle from the United States."  
  
Harry figured they knew the United States part (her accent was a dead giveaway), but he was pretty sure they were both going to be extremely confused at the Muggle part.  
  
They were. Hermione dropped the bag of books she was carrying. What's more, she didn't bother to pick them up.  
  
"Let's sit down, already, I'm starving." Hermione and Ron stood there, completely unchanged, looking from Azia to Harry. "Oh, well, I guess you two can just stand there, but I'm hungry. And I bet you are, too." He said, turning to Azia.  
  
"Yeah, I am. Are they going to be ok? She said under her breath to Harry.  
  
"Yes, I think so. It is pretty shocking though, that there's a Muggle at Hogwarts. I mean, it's probably never happened before, in the entire History of Hogwarts." They headed to the Gryffindor table, leaving Hermione and Ron standing there, watching them for at least another ten seconds. Hermione finally seemed to be able to move, and she promptly picked up her books and walked over to the table, sitting down next to Azia. Ron followed, taking the empty seat across from Azia.  
  
"Er, not to be rude or anything, but what are you, a Muggle, doing at a school for magic?" Ron asked slowly. Hermione nodded.  
  
Azia, at that point, had her mouth full of cucumber, and simply pointed a finger (one of the ten she had) at Dumbledore. As if on cue, he got up and began to speak.  
  
"Some of you may have noticed that we have a new person in our midst. May I introduce Miss Azia Connolly, from the United States? Some of you may (or may not) be surprised to learn that she is, indeed, a Muggle." At this point, there were roughly 800 or so gasps, and about 1600 eyes looking around the Great Hall, trying to spot the new person. The majority of them landed on Azia. She could feel her face reddening as she forced herself to look back at Dumbledore. "She has agreed to come here for a number of months. Generally, the staff thinks that you all do not have enough interaction with Muggles. Azia is here to help you understand them better. If you have any questions for her, you should feel free to ask them. Now, this delicious looking Apple Pie seems to be cooling off, so I would suggest that you get a piece as once." With that, Dumbledore sat down and cut himself a piece of pie. The rest of the hall, however, was still looking at Azia. She was very thankful that Harry had let her take his robes. She smiled exhaustedly and took a piece of pie. As soon as she started eating, the Hall erupted with the noise of hundreds of students discussing the Muggle. 


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
"Cool." Ron finally said. "So, are you going to go to class with us?" Azia nodded sleepily. She was getting tired of all these questions. "How exactly will that work, if you haven't any magic?" Azia shrugged. "Well, talkative, aren't you?" Azia smiled.  
  
"It's been a long day. I kind of feel overwhelmed. And completely exhausted. This is a lot to take in, in just a couple of hours." She tilted her head backwards to look at the ceiling. It was a beautiful starry night, with a crescent moon, and that made her want to sleep even more. She had just closed her eyes when it struck her that that was the ceiling. She gasped and fell out of her seat. "Whoa. Um, Harry, I think you're ceiling's missing!" All the Gryffindors sitting by them (who happened to be hanging on Azia's every word) started laughing hysterically.  
  
Hermione was eager to share her knowledge (as always) "It's enchanted, to look like the sky. It's all in Hogwarts, A History."  
  
"Sounds interesting." Harry and Ron both put their faces in their hands as Azia said that.  
  
"Now you've gone and done it."Ron mumbled.  
  
"Oh, it's very interesting. I could lend it to you, if you'd like."  
  
"Yeah, I'd like to look at it." Harry and Ron looked at her like she was an escaped loony.  
  
Suddenly, all the food disappeared. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Azia got up to go to the Gryffindor tower.  
  
"Oh, could you hold on a second? Thanks." Azia ran, dodging through the other students, up to the staff table. "Professor Dumbledore, should I just sleep in the Gryffindor girls dormitory?"  
  
"Yes, Azia, I think that would be alright. I shall have some house elves set up an extra bed for you at once."  
  
"Thanks!" With that, she ran off to join the Gryffindor trio. When she was about halfway there, she got stopped by a tall, pale boy with gray eyes and white-blond hair. She resisted the urge to smile; Draco Malfoy had always been her favorite character, but she figured he wasn't here to make friends with her.  
  
"Alright there, Muggle?" Malfoy said with a sneer. "I'm Malfoy. And I'm going to make you life a living -"  
  
"What are you doing, Malfoy?" Said Harry, walking towards them, followed closely by Ron and Hermione.  
  
"Just warmly welcoming the Muggle to Hogwarts, Potter." He sneered (again) at Azia and walked off, followed by Crabbe and Goyle, who had been trying to figure out where their pudding had gone.  
  
Harry could see the hurt look on her face, although he didn't know exactly why it had such an impact on her. "Don't mind him, Azia."  
  
"Yeah, he thinks everyone who isn't a pure-blooded wizard is scum." Hermione put in. Azia remembered (without much difficulty) that Draco frequently called Hermione a 'mudblood'. She, however, wasn't supposed to know that.  
  
"Pure-blood?"  
  
"Malfoy thinks everyone who isn't a pure-blood, someone with an all magical lineage, isn't worthy to live."  
  
"I wish you would call him Draco. His last name is Malfoy." Azia felt that a person should always stick up for their favorite character, even if he is an evil, biased, discriminating idiot.  
  
Harry was looking at her. He had overheard the conversation; Draco Malfoy had only introduced himself as Malfoy. Azia realized her mistake.  
  
"How did you know that?" Harry asked suspiciously. "I didn't know he mentioned his first name."  
  
"Well, I-" Azia was thinking very quickly. "I saw that on his robes, 'Draco Malfoy' was engraved. I just figured that was his name, and when he introduced himself as Malfoy-"  
  
"Oh, ok then. You scared us." Hermione said with a relieved smile.  
  
Azia smiled back as they started off to Gryffindor tower. 


End file.
